Monday, February 1, 2010

what i'm not saying...

there was a time, when my speech pattern contained the phrase, does that make sense, a lot.

I remember, because it was before I started blogging, but when I read blogs and thinking if I had one I would name it, ''does that make sense.'' ;)

I think everyone longs to be understood.

I think it's hard to feel misunderstood.

I think life is full of varied relationships. I don't think they are all the same (duh!) I was discussing this over the weekend with one of my very best friends. By nature I am not an open person. I am very outgoing. I am social. I am talkative. I am loud. I am fun and funny. But I am not one that connects with people beyond the surface, very easily.

I am not saying that is a good thing. I am just being honest. I struggle with being vulnerable. I struggle with exposing myself and allowing you the power to hurt me or use that vulnerability against me. (this can also be labeled as pride...which I suppose exposes the core issue, a sin issue of PRIDE...ugh)

I had someone tell me recently something that kind of took me aback. They said that I tend to see the negative. (!!!) That I could be told ten good things, but be told one thing that was not so good and I would focus on that ONE thing and over think it to death. (really?)

I've always thought of myself, more as a realist. I am not typically girly (I don't think, but again, who knows...) I deal better with just brutal honesty, than sugar coating stuff. I don't like vague, could mean, but may not mean, so don't make an assumption as to the meaning, statements. Just say what you need to say as John Mayer sings to us...

I've been caught up in a cycle of words verses actions. I've questioned myself regarding this a lot. I mean how often do we say something...and how often do we follow that up with actions? I want my words and actions to match. I don't want to say something, but appear another way. I also want to be careful how I listen, to be sure to filter all of what I hear. If it's true, if I tend to believe the negative, if I latch onto it...then why? Why would I do that? That's not fair to me, or to the person sharing with me.

I tell my kids often, ''assume a positive intent,'' I think I'd do well to remind myself of that motto...

starting now

1 comment:

Madame Rubies said...

I would say the opposite of you. You inspire me to look at the positive. I often think of you crocheting food for AE to play kitchen with. That image is important to me. A reminder to me of creativity and generousity. So, thank you for that.