winter blooms

"And the time came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." Anais Nin

Don't you wish life was risk free? Pain free?

To make all your decisions and choices knowing that they were the right ones...success was guaranteed.

Well of course we want that...

The only thing is, life isn't like that...it just doesn't work that way.

This is probably my biggest struggle. I want to know. I want control. I want things laid out in order so that they make sense. I want the least amount of fallout possible. I want to avoid fallout. LOL

I was talking about this with my friend Meredith (who is a lot like me, btw, lol) and she said, ''but Cheri, if you control it all and you are safe then that's all you get...''

UH

and then I thought about it for a long time.

I was walking yesterday, my usual laps around the church deal & thinking on our conversation.

She's right you know.

I can control everything, seemingly.

I can.

I can shelter myself into a safe square.

But,

guess what...

all I get from that is the safety of that square.

Sure, it's a 'guaranteed existence'

but I'm not sure that's the goal, anymore.

I'm not talking crazy people, I not talking about making decisions willy nilly, disregarding common sense and Godly wisdom.

I'm just talking about living

instead of planning how life is going to go.

[and yes, I realize there is a balance in that, we DO need some planning!]

I'm talking about trusting God with the outcome. Trusting He is already there and that I have to step out of the square to be a part of it too.

God doesn't need me to organize how it all happens. Why? Because, well, see He is God and He kind of excels at that sort of thing. LOL

I'm talking about being honest with myself, raw and vulnerable, and putting that out there.

That means, I may be hurt.

I may get chinks in this armor I sport.

But it means, I will live, in the present.

I won't look out from the safety of a square and wish...