Sunday, June 27, 2010

Me too...

I see the lip poke out...

the eyes gloss over, tears ready to spill...

and then,

"but that's not how I wanted that to happen.''

bitter disappointment
in a four year old world...

I can identify with my girlie...
I was handed a dose of disappointment recently
and I'd have to say my reaction,
pretty much mirrored my baby girl.

our expectations

they will set us up, every time...

we will believe the best
we will accept less
we will pretend something doesn't matter
we will allow ourselves to settle
we will hope against hope

and we will be disappointed

and the sting


the realization, that we set ourselves up for it

it's a hard thing

I told my girl.
"that's not what you wanted to happen, I know, but it is what happened SO now, what are you going to do???"

we are not promised to not be disappointed
or hurt

but we can decide how to deal with those things...

we can chose to close ourselves off
and protect ourselves

or we can trust
that love is never wasted...
chances are worth taking...
God redeems...

beauty for ashes
strength for fear
gladness for morning
peace for despair

it's worth it, baby girl.
i'll always believe it's worth it.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

I just call him Daddy...

I'm 37 and I call him Daddy...
always Daddy...
never Dad
or Pop


we share traits
that man that I call Daddy...
our hands
fingertips upturned
and we typically say what we think, sometimes without enough thought...

he was the provider of lemon drops and sprite
and prizes
and what I imagined to be the strongest arms in the world

he is funny
and loves to get something on you
and drive it in the ground
or just drive you crazy with it...

he's a reader

he's sincerely the most unpretentious person I know
your stature doesn't effect him...
because before it's all said and done,
he's gonna ask if you know Jesus...

he loves Jesus
with a love that only rivals that of the love he has for my Mom.

he has faults
and shortcomings

he's far from perfect

but the man that I call Daddy
makes it easy
to believe in another Man , Abba Father

Thank you Daddy, for being such an example to me
of Jesus
and how to be Jesus.

Happy Father's Day!

paralyzed potential

i have a kiddo
he's awesome
he's smart
he's funny
he's type a
he's exactly as God intended

(cause God doesn't make junk!)

this kid
if given the chance
will bear burdens
and carry worries
and walk in fear
and fret
and rob himself of
you know
a K-I-D

and it is a very frustrating thing as a parent
frustrating and heartbreaking
to watch your child
take on
to carry something
that isn't his to carry

God gave me a teachable moment today
you know
where HE taught ME
even though I thought I was teaching the kid...

God is good...
He is...
He knew us before we were born...
he pulled the DNA together,
heck, He put the markers on the DNA
before he pulled it together
our quirks
our desires
our tics
our weaknesses
our faults
our failures
our sins...

He knows it all...
and He created us anyway,
in HIS image
designed and carried out
even with our ''issues''

but see,
here is where my kiddo runs into trouble
and where I run into trouble
and I'll be so bold as to say where YOU also run into trouble...

we don't believe the TRUTH
we fall for those other voices...
the ones that call out to us,
we give them more power, more credence, more strength
than we give
to the VOICE that called the very universe into existence...

See, Satan is STRONG and POWERFUL
and don't ever, for ONE second believe otherwise...
and he is smart...and subtle...and the king of deception...
his game he runs?
he takes the truth, puts a little spin of distortion and then grinds it in...

my boy
worries about something happening
someone missing
someone being hurt...

those attributes are good...
in that they make him a good leader,
he's weighs choices and decisions...

but you take those qualities
put a little spin on them
and you have a kid
that is robbed of enjoying a theme park, because he is overwhelmed by fear of someone taking a sibling
or a ride not working correctly...
you have a kid

this morning, we met those fears head to head...
i reminded him
God KNEW when He created him that he would be natured the way he was...
that he would love dr. pepper with no ice,
that he didn't like condiments with his food,
that he liked things 'just so'
that he liked to take care of things/people, liked to know where things were...
I reminded him that God knew each and every quirk he had and that not only that, that God had DONE THE WIRING to make him that way...

but I also told him
Satan knew those things...and Satan's tool, Satan's game is to play on our weakness...
Satan always distorts truth...
he takes what God make...twists it...
he takes my kiddos inclination to want to know everything/everyone is ok
and takes it to the nth power to the point where he is in tears, worried...scared...

do you see that...
i'll tell you just as i told him
that feeling
that tightness in your chest...
that yucky feeling in your stomach...
that heavy weight on your heart...
that fear that you carry like a backpack...

because God's desire is what?

JOY and that we may have it ABUNDANTLY...

if Satan can whisper in our ear...make us think we are unworthy...our choices have been so blown...our sin was too big...our mistakes TOO bad...if he can keep us weighed down with that defeat ...then what?... we are NOT JOYFUL and he gets to do a little dance of victory...

I also reminded that kid of mine...that TRUTH says...

we are not given a spirit of fear...but of POWER and LOVE and of a SOUND MIND...

satan attacks our thought life
our emotions
he makes us feel lonely and scared
then he full on attacks us...
hit us with unworthiness and fear
and reminds us
of all we've done

until we are curled up
in fetal postion
because we are scared
that someone is missing...

oh but Y'ALL

this is the good part...

The Voice of Truth, tells me a different story...
The Voice of Truth, says do not be afraid...
The Voice of Truth, says this is for my glory...
out of all the voices calling out to me...
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth...
(casting crowns, 'voice of truth')

just as I told my kiddo
that moment
when you feel that
creeping up
when satan starts reminding you and bombarding you
you stop
and you say

(whispers) cause it's NOT

and when Satan presses in harder, pushing all your buttons and emotions
you press back and say THAT IS NOT TRUTH

and at the very point, where you think it's too much, you are too tired, you are too scared, too worried, too frightened



Jehovah Jireh ...the God who will provide a way...
will indeed provide a way

The Voice of Truth

tells me a different story...
and you a different story...

listen and believe

The Voice of Truth

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Finding their way...

We have new chickens...

six sweet baby chicks.

this morning, I sat at the chicken pen (what? it's part of the glamour of my life *smiles*) watching...

we have two laying hens (Scarlett and Mammy) and a rooster (why, Rhett Butler, of course!) there are six pre teens (heh) let's call them the Brat Pack...and yesterday we added the six babies (as of yet, unnamed...)

the 'gone with the pen' crew along with the 'brat pack' were out doing their thing this morning...scratching, pecking, rhett greeting the morning and the girls strolling around the pen occasionally sticking their neck out for some grass...

the new crew...
in the coop...

in the midst of all of that

a beautiful cardinal, came by for a picnic with the fowl

i sat there, watching it all...

all in the same pen, all doing the same thing...these older chickens strutting and eating...this cardinal dropping by for a morsel...

and these babies, on occasion, hopping a few steps over the threshold of the coop for a bit of crumble and scratch (that comes in 50 lbs bags (each!) that I also unload and take to the pen-you know in case you've forgotten my glamorous life...hee!)

i thought about how i am so often represented by the chickens...
how sometimes
i'm just chicken ...
i have every right to be out in the pen
with the big chicks
and the beautiful bird...

i'm kinda like the babies
this life
it's new
these surroundings
this coop

i'm finding my way.

Sunday, June 6, 2010


*A bird is mired in oil on the beach at East Grand Terre Island along the Louisiana coast on Thursday, June 3, 2010. (AP Photo/Charlie Riedel)

The Gulf Oil Spill, what a catastrophe...
what a picture

What a picture of life.

Our hearts, our hurts ...
buried deep
but there is a hole in our core
just like there is a hole in the earth
and just as the oil gushes out, even now...
eventually life is too much
the days are too heavy
the stuff
and out it comes...


and we are covered
weighted down
and hurts
and worries
and problems
and issues...

we sit
feeling the sludge
we sit
so very burdened
we sit
all is miry
we are covered

and there is no fast solution
because that hole in our core
it's always going to be there...

our heart
is always going to be available to be bruised,

our rescue
is that One that promises to wash us and make us whiter than snow...
the One that promises to stick closer than a brother...
the One who was betrayed by his friends...
the One who on the darkest day in history,
so that we,
even sitting in sludge of our own creation,
can cry out and say,

and with hands gentle but firm,
He picks us up...
he wipes us down,
he washes us off,
and he makes us clean...

and He gives us a Comforter...
because He knows what it's like
to be in the sludge
he fought His way out of that He could pull us out too!

He's got us covered.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Natalie Rose "Nattie" York

Three years.


Somehow I keep waiting for her to shoot an email from the library saying her internet will be back up soon.

I want to hear her review Twilight and Light From Heaven.

I want to hear her refer to the "hobbit house"

I want to laugh when she has to wash dishes in the bathtub.

I want to be frustrated with her again...

I want Jonathan to know his mom was full of life and fun and faith ...

I want Anna to know her Mother was a picture of grace under fire, of God's handiwork, that her beauty ran as deep as her flaws.

I want you to know there once graced this planet a lady ...
who touched my life in ways I cannot explain.
Her life was not easy, but her faith
She simply believed
"more than enough"

Nattie Pie.
I love you more than chocolate.
I miss you more than air.

p.s. i still am not over you stealing my glory by dying on my birthday--i'm working through it... :) <3

"Hope.... sometimes it is blinding like the spring sunshine. Sometimes it is a gentle warmth that comes with kind words. Sometimes it washes over you like waves in the ocean and sometimes it just envelopes you slowly. Sometimes it is like water in a dry land, but it is there if you look for it." --Nattie Rose York
December 15, 1973 - June 7, 2007

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Commanded to ... love

it's easy to love
when others are doing as you think they should...
when they are on the same page with you,
talking like you,
living like you,
worshipping like you...
when it's easy though,
is it really love?
or is it just agreement (kwim?)

are we not truly showing love
true love

when we look at those that make choices that make us shake our head...
that choose behaviors that damn them to consequences that will cost them far more than they want to pay,
when they are hurtful,
and self centered...

we have this thinking, thinking...this tough love
we rehabilitate enablers (hee)
we want people to know they can't just treat people any ol' way and continue to benefit...

I won't disagree-
I think there are boundaries
I think you can lose yourself and any good you can do
when you let yourself be lost in someone else and their baggage...

but again in balance
I think we have to look to Jesus.

what was his example...
he said do well to them that hurt you and use you.

[But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you. Matt. 5:44]

that verse goes against all our natural thinking...I mean really, who is going to volunteer to let someone hurt them, over and over...but the key is it doesn't so much say continue to let them hurt says to PRAY for them. That doesn't mean you have to continually put yourself in the path of their hurt, however, what I find so interesting is that when you are praying for someone, your heart is kept tender toward them.

God wants what is best for us...He in no way wants us to be a doormat-I in no way think that is His design...

I do think He wants use to be ''Jesus mats''... I think loving like Jesus loves ...I mean really, look at how he met people where they were, how he touched their lives, ministered to their needs, healed their through his examples--does that not challenge you (me!) in how we are loving others...

Finding the balance is not easy...
but loving
truly loving like Jesus
loving when it hurts
when you feel foolish
when it's not returned because they aren't at a place where they can...
being Jesus
that is when

our hearts are renewed
we mount up with wings as eagles
we run and not go weary
we walk and won't faint*


it really is all about love

*(Isaiah 40:31)

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

The Summer Project...

I know I mentioned my summer plans/goals in a previous post. Those still stand. I have been thinking though and am elaborating a bit.

Photographs...lots of them (not of me...bwhahahahaha!) I want to make it a daily goal to take photos, to capture the day...still thinking this one through... style...I want to record, probably weekly where we are and what we are doing...

weekly field trip...and that may mean, not leaving the house--like one night I want to do a picnic under the stars...finding constallations and shooting stars. :) (but making a point to once a week, do something not screen related...memory making)

read aloud...did I put this on my other list? I think I did. I think we are rereading The Chronicles of Narnia...maybe...

Latin word of the week...heh, yes, I do think so...we have "Latin From The Roots Up'' we are going to introduce it next year...but I'm thinking maybe we do a word of the week for the summer too...maybe?

I'll probably tweak this a bit more as I work/think on it this week--next week is kick off. :)