Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Iridescent (instant replay, archiving purposes)

You're there again...




the feeling familiar and yet foreign

how did this happen,

it wasn't the plan...

the hurt

so deep

the pain


so fresh

the wound

open...

your marriage wasn't supposed to be one of those...

your baby... not healthy ???

your friendship, could sustain any storm (then why do you feel empty, with the unexplained departure)

your career...you were going places...

your family...why.can't.we.all.get.along....

your health...compromised

your innocence...taken

your dreams...mocked

your faith...shaken

your life...

You walk around a bit shellshocked. Wondering.

Why?

You just want some bit of it to make sense.

Some part of it...

any part of it...

When you were standing in the wake of devastation when you were waiting on the edge of the unknown with the cataclysm raining down, insides crying save me now you were there and possibly alone. Do you feel cold and lost in desperation you build up hope, but failure's all you've known remember all the sadness and frustration and let it go, let it go. And in the burst of light that blinded every angel as if the sky had blown the heavens into stars you felt the gravity of temper grace falling into empty space no one there to catch you in their arms ...



You hear them speaking...

telling you to count it all joy...

telling you God makes no mistakes...


He'll never give you more than you can handle...


them

with their answers...

their pat

simple

sunday school

answers...

and you want to rail...

you want to scream...

you want someone

for ONE TIME

to not answer

with some 'perfect answer'

maybe a little admission

that

they don't understand either...


This is not the end This is not the beginning, Just a voice like a riot Rocking every revision But you listen to the tone And the violet rhythm Though the words sound steady Something empty's within 'em We say Yeah! With fists flying up in the air Like we're holding onto something Thats invisible there, Cuz we're living at the mercy of The pain and the fear Until we dead it, Forget it, Let it all disappear.


You want someone

to be real...

not perfectly fixed...

not

so

unattainable...

because the hurt

oh the hurt

it bubbles up

it takes your breath...

and you try to hide it,

and you bury it

with stuff

(you know the stuff)

You say you're not going to fight Because no one will fight for you And you think there's not enough love And no one to give it to And you're sure you've hurt for so long You've got nothing left to lose So you say you're not going to fight Because no one will fight for you You say the weight of the world Has kept you from letting go And you think compassion's a flaw And you'll never let it show And you're sure you've hurt in a way That no one will ever know

you know what I love about Jesus

...

He chases you...

When you are bitterly angry...

when you hurl, tear streaked questions at a star strewn sky...

when you sit there...

your stomach hollow

from the punch life just dealt...

when you fall down,

again...

and this time, you can't get up.

HE sits down beside you...

He lets you rant...

He lets you cry...

He lets you question...

He lets you

BE

because see,

there was a garden,

there was a cup,

there was betrayal

there was hurt

there was disappointment

there was great sadness...

there was asking ...if there were any other way ...

Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Matt. 26:39

and in the end...

there was the ultimate sacrafice.

Because HE knew...

one day you would hurt...

and it would break His heart...

but He knew in your brokeness...

you'd want someone to walk along side you...

someone that didn't hand out pat answers, all the while being The Answer...

someone who'd felt the cut, the pain...

someone who looked a lot like you...

only you,

covered in Grace...



God bless us everyone We're a broken people living under loaded gun And it can't be outfought It can't be outdone It can't out matched It can't be outrun ...




[all lyrics from Linkin Park]

4 comments:

Cathy N said...

I love you. You just totally wrote what I have been feeling and thinking. Thank you for sharing your heart.

Madame Rubies said...

I love you.

Twisted Knitter said...

Ohmygoodness.

Linkin Park lyrics nail almost every emotional or difficult experience I've ever had. This was my favorite album of 2010 . . .

Anyway . . . what a moving post, Cheri.

Cheri said...

Thank you...

Janet-I fell in love with Linkin Park last year too. That whole cd...just moves me.