it is finished...

finished
done
over

you've heard it in conversations...

someone said it-
and it hung in the air with such finality.

finished.

on a Thursday...
so many years ago...
Jesus
hung on the cross
suspended between heaven and earth...
he'd been talked about...
betrayed...
beaten...
mocked
and finally
crucified.

He hung there between two thieves...
one asking to join him in paradise
and the other too caught up in his crisis to see his salvation was within arms reach...

and it was there...
on that hill
where the earth quaked,
and the veil ripped...
that Jesus uttered his parting phrase-

It Is Finished

He. was. done...

but unlike how that phrase may have played out in our experiences-
Jesus gave it a whole new definition...

He , in His last moments, didn't give in or give up...
No, my friends...
what looked like defeat
was really a declaration...

to Satan himself...

The blood-

covered the sin
the shame...
the guilt...
the mistakes...
for all time and eternity...


and today-
wherever you are
whatever you are facing
no matter your past
regardless of what you did
said
thought
or considered

the same words that fell  from Golgotha on that dark Thursday...
echo throughout time...

It Is Finished

He won.
Won't you consider letting Him tend your heart?

That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.  For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.

Romans 10:9-10

In the middle of a heavy week

A full week.
He rode in triumphantly
the people crying, "Hosanna" and laying down palm branches.


He'd ask His disciples to the Garden to pray.
and He prayed.
and begged.
and cried.
and
found his supporters
sleeping.

He called them to supper.
the ones he'd chosen.
the ones he'd trusted.
the ones he loved.
and
the one
who would betray him.

And the crowds gathered
again.
and Pilot washed his hands. 

and it echos and refrains...

crucify him...crucify him.

and 
he drank it in...
sin
on sinless lips-the bitterness.
and He stood ...
while they mocked Him.
strength
for when we are weak.
He carried the cross...
the order of operation that equaled our salvation.
He was wounded.
bruised.
punished.
crushed.

and in a week that promised to end Him.
He looked forward to the weekend.
He just couldn't wait for Sunday.


He is not here, He is risen, just like He said... Matthew 28:5


(Today and every Thursday I blog over at Middle Places. Head over and read the stuff my Middle Sisters have shared. Find us on FB and join the community of women, growing and finding grace in our middle places.)

Undeserved

I'd like to think
that I deserve grace...

that my goodness...
my works...
my ideas...
make me worthy...

I'd like to think
that by not choosing to do somethings...
it catches God's eye
and puts a check in the ''winner'' column.

I'd like to think
that because I think it-
I heard it-
I read it-
that it makes what I've decided to apply regarding it-
Truth.

But in the end.

Jesus was not only a great teacher..
or great thinker...
or great speaker...

He was a great do-er...

He fed the five thousand...
He washed the disciples feet...
He ministered to the woman at the well...
He raised Lazarus from the dead...
He ate with sinners...

He was a verb.

He went about doing.

He had standards.
He had demands.
He had expectations of his followers.
He didn't sugar coat...
or condone.

He acted.

He said-if YOU love me FEED my sheep.
Not if you love me put it in your status feed.

He said to GO into the uttermost parts of the earth and
SHARE his Word.

He said that we would be known BY our love.

He said
that until you've removed the plank from your own life-
that you shouldn't worry with the dust in someone else's eye.

He said...
that He wanted us to be vessels of honor...
that were broken and poured out...
used up
and emptied
in service
to Him.

He didn't make it where we deserved it...
or so  that we could earn it...
because He wanted us
to get LOST
in what it was like-
to be LOVED
utterly and completely...
and He wanted it to
COMPEL
us to
GO out
and SHOW that to everyone ...

new mexico skies

Whatcha' thinking about...

Here's the truth.
I blogged a little blog, about ''stinking thinking''
and it's lost, somewhere in cyberspace...

So I will recap-
quickly.
Everybody has rough patches...
some people carry very heavy burdens...
sometimes life deals a hand that is hard to play...

but with that said...

everybody gets a choice...
and you can wallow and be miserable
and let your grump, spill out and pour over everyone you know...

or you can
DECIDE
to find some happy...
to look for SOMETHING good...
to seek JOY.

Every moment you have the power to make that decision...
Every day that you choose to stay in the yuck
is exactly that...
a choice.

Really, I'd rather hear about what you love...

Ah. Sometimes this world feels so heavy.

The mass shootings, the bullying, the general discontent, and the boycotting.

oh.
the.
boycotting.

the ''if you love Jesus'' you will boycott, boycotts...
the ''if you are for tolerance'' you will boycott, boycotts...
the ''if you want to raise a stink to distract from the real issue" you will boycott, boycotts...

Let's go ahead and get it out there.

YES
ten thousand times ... YES
Christians need to take a stand.

I just think , maybe, ... perhaps, we've confused ''taking a stand''
with
oh I don't know...
and really
Don't ask me what Jesus would do...
because you can ask me...
or my kids
or another person at church
or your pastor
what Jesus would do
and chances are...
He would do, what the aforementioned individuals feel they would do...
it's human nature
we want to be right
and we want to have God on our side.

and yes-
God has a side...
but I think we as believers
are too busy placing Him on ours ...STANDING up for Him
that we actual
miss the people that need Him...
because we are knocking them down...

This world.
It's different, isn't it?
The pace is fast.
There is a website or twitter feed for everything...
our sermons are downloadable and podcasted...
our churches are
lights
and
sounds
and
music...

this world...
is a long way from the 80's of my childhood...

the 50's that my parents knew...

and from the Temple where a twelve year old Jesus was teaching....

things aren't simple
defined
there are blended families
and broken families
and abused pasts
and closeted skeletons...
there are people
hurting
lost
sinking into bondage
drinking away hope
losing their jobs
families
lives

and we want to boycott

something.

To prove what?

(don't get lost here...)

Jesus did say follow Him...
He did say we were a Royal Priesthood...
He did say to be in this world but not of it...
We are supposed to be a Light...a living witness...

but unless we are willing to boycott all the things...
(because IF you look ...I promise you will find a reason to not support a lot of the things that you happily support that just haven't made it viral on the internet yet)

Don't throw scripture.
I know scripture, King James Version , even.
Don't hop up on some talking point about taking a stand in this ''wishy washy world that lives on greasy grace''

all I want us to do....
is to stop
fighting against things

and to start fighting FOR something.

Because , this week, is the week of the garden...
where Jesus went to pray...
begging for the cup to pass, knowing He would drink its contents...
and
He was beaten...
mocked...
hung naked on a cross...
and He looked down in time and saw us...

and it wasn't the boycotting , or the corner protests, or the political rallies or the church pew on Sunday that caught His eye...

He saw water offered to the thirsty, food to the hungry and love-His love, moving into people's hearts and lives-changing them, challenging them.
He saw the gospel...
spreading...

and not because we didn't buy coffee or bought a chicken sandwich...

No
it was because
we stopped fighting to stop things, that He has control over to begin with...
and we started following after Him...

For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps: 1 Peter 2:21

It's another Monday...

I don't always fall into the camp that hates Mondays. I often wonder what exactly it is that makes some Mondays seem so insane. Granted, other days have their share of crazy...maybe it's something about the change of schedule. Something about coming off the weekend that leaves you ill prepared for falling back into the scheme of things.

I started a new bible study this morning. My friend, Leann, is leading it via Facebook and it is via Good Morning Girls. It's the book of Luke ... about leading and following... and I'm excited.

I am also taking my life back today.

Sound dramatic?

Ha.

I feel , a little, (without trying to actually BE dramatic) like my life has been spinning since June of last year. 

I try to not make Donald's diagnosis about me. I try to not make my life about it. 

But that proves to be kind of a hard thing.

Because, there is something about it-that winds it way into every branch of my thinking, of my doing...

and so I constantly carry it...while trying to put it down.

It's hard for me. 

All that to say...since June, I have been spinning. Kind of without focus-just making it ... doing the next thing.

Today, I recapture two things consistently. 

bible study and exercise

I will pray-in conversation... trying to leave the gasp of words strung together...in a desperate need to connect and plea.

I don't know if it makes sense...I don't know how to make it make sense. And I fight the censor that says , ''that's waaaaaay dramatic'' 

See, I never imagined I would be divorced...

and while we were separated ... I never imagined we would be remarried...

and I never, ever, imagined or was prepared for him to call and tell me he had cancer.

and I never imagined the turn of events...

the renewed feelings,

the scary journey of building trust...

and the day to day dance with carrying the sadness

that he's really sick...

and that really

outside 

of 

an amazing

God making

miracle

it will all end.

I try not to consider that a lot. I sure don't dwell on it and believe you me I speak against it and pray against it and beg for it to be different...

and it leaves me...sitting here, a mess on Monday morning.

It's cliche, the whole ''live each day to the fullest"  and people vow they will and they plan to...tomorrow. Because no one really thinks it will be their last day.

No one considers, seriously that something may actually befall them...

No one lives as if it will be their last day-because they are too busy planning vacations, and day trips and things down the road-to enjoy the path they are on today...

and then suddenly everything has a time frame

and everything shifts

and perspectives change

and you think

how very hard it is to carry that...

and so

today I begin to seek some sort of new normal...

refusing to continue in the swirl of what's out there...

waiting...

because

by virtue of that 

I am losing today...

and today I have everything I need

to make it

and tomorrow

He is waiting there for me...

and I will never be alone.

Selah.

insert witty title here...

this will be random...
bits.
of.
info.
as it comes to mind.

the point is to make an entry. :)

It's Sunday evening...9 pm... the kids are prepping for bed...

I just finished The Walking Dead. (ah, I do love Southern zombies)

Donald is home safely from treatment-although he is running a bit of a fever. I am watching it-and proper steps will be taken...

I realized this weekend that it is 11 weeks until my birthday.
I LOVE my birthday.
a lot.
This year is a bit one...
40.
I'm excited-very, very...
but I have a goal-and it's to not be where I am right now...
The last year has put a dent in my health and fitness-and it's ON me to correct and get back into focus.
The middle reduction challenge over at Middle Places has gotten me started ...and I plan to really buckle down the next 11 weeks.
I miss feeling strong.


So, now, Monday looms...

Here's to making this week a good one. :D

so...I was driving home from the grocery store....

Saturday Somethings...

We went to the movies last night. To elaborate, we went to the DRIVE-IN. It is one of my favorite things we get to do in New Mexico. The kids still remember, when we lived here before, going to the drive-in.  There is something, really, really cool about sitting there, under a million stars and watching a movie.

Last night we saw the 'family' double feature. For $15 we got a carload entry and a double feature. Yes, that's right. $15. We saw "Jack the Giant Slayer' and 'Escape From Planet Earth.'  Both were really good and we had a fun night.  :)

When we lived in Montana I had a little ritual. I would get up on those deep cold Saturdays (which was EVERY SATURDAY THAT I LIVED THERE) and I would lose myself in a few blogs, while my family slept. I discovered the now famous Stephanie at that time... and Pioneer Woman... and there was always time spent at Apartment Therapy.  I loved that for a little while it was me and my coffee cup and getting lost in a recipe or family adventure. Apartment Therapy-I can't explain why I enjoyed it so...I just did.

Over the last six years, since Montana, things changed and until today when I linked them...I couldn't tell you the last time I went to or read blogs regularly. Yes, if someone links an interesting post or shares a find-I will check it out. I have just grown out of the habit of taking the time, or making the time to read.

When I got on the Internet in 1996-I fell in love with (what was at the time called) journals. Online peeks into people's day to day. I loved it-and was sold and wanted to do that. I didn't actually start my blog until almost ten years later.

All of that to say-I have missed being here. I have missed sharing pictures and stories of pieces of life.

So...
I don't know how it will all come together-
But I hope, something about here...makes you, like those blogs from my Montana days, want to drop by, find a little happy and visit.

adjusting your focus

{Today and every Thursday I blog over at Middle Places. Along with four other women, all gifted writers and in their own Middle spots, we Middle Sisters share our days and words ... please stop by.}

I did something a little daring for a nearly forty year old woman.

The other day, I bought a mirror.

And not just any ol' mirror.
No sir, I got a compact in size, but GIGANTIC in image reflection
10x magnification mirror.

OY.

(I had  a whole set of eyebrows I didn't know about...)

Anyway...

So, the thing with a mirror with that much magnification is that IT SHOWS EVERYTHING...but there is a key to using it. You have to pull it in close, otherwise it's out of focus.

Ah.

a life lesson from a magnification mirror.

How often , when life feels big and overwhelming , do we stand there, watching the whirl--feeling unfocused?

Unfocused.
Unsettled.

I love the words to the old hymn ...

turn your eyes upon Jesus

look full in His wonderful face

and the things of earth will grow strangely dim

in the light of His glory and grace.

I will be honest. 

When I bought that mirror-there was some buyer's remorse.

Who wants to see THAT many wrinkles and wayward eyebrows?

But you know what?

Only after taking the time, to pull it in close, and to look...

then I was able to change it.

I plucked and primped and considered hitting Pinterest for a homemade boxtox from Jello mixture ... heh.

The initial look was hard, but it paved the way for changing things.

Today.

What's got you feeling swirly?

What outcome are you contemplating?

What looms out in the distance ...making you wonder, exactly, what is going to happen?

Take a minute today to focus.

On HIM.

Pull Him in close, make Him your focus, let the other stuff blur...

open your eyes, look and see...

(there is grace for the waiting, that you didn't even know about)

This is God’s Word on the subject: “I’ll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.

 “When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I’ll listen.

 “When you come looking for me, you’ll find me.

“Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I’ll make sure you won’t be disappointed.” God’s Decree. 

Jeremiah 29:10-14 

humble abode

strings I'm weaving

here are two of my latest creations. a chevron infinity scarf. It requires one skein and works up quickly. the look varies depending on the yarn.

Is this thing on...

Ahem.

Blows away the dust.

::achoo::

So.

It's been a day or two since I've posted here. :D

Granted...things have been ...
well, it's life...
always changing.

Since my last post...I have joined with a fabulous group of co-bloggers and we are part of a growing community of women over at Middle Places.  If you are a woman-regardless of your age or stage of life, you are in the middle of something. Please stop by and join us. We also have an active Facebook group page ...we have fun give aways...reading groups...and lots of interaction.

Oh.
and I got remarried.
to my ex-husband.
who'd a thunk. :)

We got remarried in November.
Under a gazebo with church bells tolling ''Because He Lives"
(think Stars Hollow from Gilmore Girls...yeah...sweet)

You know, I never thought I would divorce-you can know I never, ever imagined I would remarry the same guy.
And I didn't.
In our time apart-Donald became more than I imagined ...
did the cancer go into my decision?
Well,
hmmmm.
I don't know that you can decide that...
The cancer-made it worth the effort...
and in the end...
we are together...
and while, it's not glitter, sunshine and unicorns---
there is a depth to our marriage now, solid communication and a contentment.

I am blessed.

I have been crocheting like a crazy old lady lately.

I have also fallen into a weekly manicure habit. (not GOING to get one-no, I do them myself...and it's PURE frippery...BUT it's one of those little things that makes me happy--and I am all about the happy.)

We are now in New Mexico-land of enchantment (Donald said enchantment translates to dust...ha!)

And so...here I am...
trying to get back into the habit of posting here...
more regular blogging
and posting of my days.

Thanks for being here...