Honestly

I've toyed with this post for a while.

As I sit here, prepared to write it, finally. I wonder if I am really prepared.

It's hard to know what to say.

So we'll just spit it out and move along.

I am getting a divorce.

::exhales::

looks around

K.

I never thought I'd type those words. I never in a million, billion years thought I would, but I am.

Since I have been blogging I have never pulled my marriage into my blogging, now that my marriage is over, I won't begin to do it either.

You can know, the last couple of years have been hard. The last year and a half was the hardest time of my life.

You can rest assured that I question myself a million times a day.

I won't blog details, that is just not for the Internets consumption.
I will say that I left and I filed.

What I will share is that my children have two parents that love them very much.
Very much.

I am going to do everything I can to keep them whole and happy.
I am going to trust God with the rest.

That may sound flippant and foolish--but I just have to believe that God is able. That my mess is not put on my kids. Will they walk away from all of this unaffected, absolutely NOT, but we do not walk through life with out being affected. I have to trust that God will hold them and fill in all the gaps and work them for His glory in their lives.

I have hurt more in the last year or so than I imagined a heart could. I have felt judged and misunderstood. I have felt selfish and hateful. I have felt lonely and sad. I have questioned everything I thought was real. I have questioned my faith and my foundation. I have cried, and yelled and snarked and stomped my feet.

I will not try to pretend that everything is ok. But I know that everything will be ok.
I am ok with that.

Thank you for your prayers and for your readership.
Thank you for being my friends.