Saturday, October 10, 2009

Honestly

I've toyed with this post for a while.

As I sit here, prepared to write it, finally. I wonder if I am really prepared.

It's hard to know what to say.

So we'll just spit it out and move along.

I am getting a divorce.

::exhales::

looks around

K.

I never thought I'd type those words. I never in a million, billion years thought I would, but I am.

Since I have been blogging I have never pulled my marriage into my blogging, now that my marriage is over, I won't begin to do it either.

You can know, the last couple of years have been hard. The last year and a half was the hardest time of my life.

You can rest assured that I question myself a million times a day.

I won't blog details, that is just not for the Internets consumption.
I will say that I left and I filed.

What I will share is that my children have two parents that love them very much.
Very much.

I am going to do everything I can to keep them whole and happy.
I am going to trust God with the rest.

That may sound flippant and foolish--but I just have to believe that God is able. That my mess is not put on my kids. Will they walk away from all of this unaffected, absolutely NOT, but we do not walk through life with out being affected. I have to trust that God will hold them and fill in all the gaps and work them for His glory in their lives.

I have hurt more in the last year or so than I imagined a heart could. I have felt judged and misunderstood. I have felt selfish and hateful. I have felt lonely and sad. I have questioned everything I thought was real. I have questioned my faith and my foundation. I have cried, and yelled and snarked and stomped my feet.

I will not try to pretend that everything is ok. But I know that everything will be ok.
I am ok with that.

Thank you for your prayers and for your readership.
Thank you for being my friends.

13 comments:

Monika said...

I'm so sorry Cheri. I'll be praying for you and the road ahead of you. (((hugs)))

stephanie@{Olive Tree} said...

(((Cheri))) Much love to you.

AJ said...

Praying for you. Bless your heart.

Madame Rubies said...

(((((CHERI)))))

In July, I will hand deliver that hug.

Theresa said...

{{{{HUGS}}}} Praying...

Theresa
http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/kidzanddogs/

katho said...

i love you sweetie. having just finished the road you are starting, i will say there are some really awesome books out there about how to do the least amount of damage possible to our little ones. if you want titles or whatever, let me know. {{{hugs}}}

Dancin' Butterfly said...

no judgement here my friend i love and support u, u rock !

Pattie said...

Sending much, much love to you. I've been praying for you for a long time and am not about to stop now!

Cathy N said...

((((Cheri)))) Love and prayers my friend.

guest services said...
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Paula said...

Many hugs to you and the kiddos, Cheri!! I still wanna be you when I grow up, flaws, scotch tape, and all! You're an amazing woman...strong, beautiful, intelligent, witty, admirable. No judgment from me. Ever. (((Cheri)))

Renee said...

You know I'm always here for you..... I know that wasn't easy for you to post. I'm glad you were able to do it though.

Twisted Knitter said...

(((Cheri)))) wow . . . I had no idea how your world had changed. But know this -- in one-moment-at-a-time living, you'll find the most amazing blessings and grace.

My heart goes out to you, as I know that it hasn't been easy -- along with a sincere prayer for God's provision and favor for you and your family.