I like control.
I mean, I guess most people do. I mean is there a large number of people that just thrive on disorder and chaos?
But not me. I like to plan. I like schedules. I like order. I like neat and I like tidy.
I have this idea in my head and the hardest thing is what LIFE has the nerve to not adhere to that plan.
It's easier, when your children are younger to kind of have blanket control without seemingly like a control freak. :) However, as your kiddos get older you begin to realize that releasing them is part of the process, and in that process of releasing them, you have to then release---control. ACK!
To say that God is growing me, would me a huge understatement. I feel stretched and pulled and tired and pouty, a lot.
But I am finding that it IS going to be ok. That I don't HAVE to know what is happening next. That I don't have to PLAN it...because HE is already there. He's paved the way.
I'm finding that as long as things get done...that it doesn't matter if they go on my schedule. That I don't have to micromanage things. Also, micromanagement doesn't ensure the desired outcome (doh!) it just lets you see the over zealousness in outline form--it sort of mocks you and your plan/s.
So most days, well a lot of days lately I'm finding grace.
I'm finding out that sometimes you just need to chill.
I'm seeing that stopping and being instead of moving and doing is good too.
I'm realizing that there is freedom for me, in letting go of something that HE's holding anyway.
There is peace there.
Give peace a chance.