draped

Prancing around, flaunting the fashion...
the finest
the best...
in your own eyes
but much like the emperor,
you are naked...

but the lies you chose to believe
the stories you tell yourself
have you clothed
grandly.

ignore the pain
drown the sorrow
run from the reality

the cozy clothes of nakedly numb
fall so comfortably around
fit so well
the mirror of avoidance
perpetuates the lie
that
you
look
just
fine

fantastic even

only you don't feel fantastic
you don't feel
anything

so it's easier
to pretend
to model the latest fad of forgetting
anything
so that you don't have to dress...
in naked vulnerability...

so you'll swim in stagnant waters of a wounded soul...
you'll play at a game that you are bound to lose,
you'll settle for less
because it doesn't demand more...

and you'll believe
it's haute couture

but

there is a dressing room
where He waits...
and He wants to let you see,
that what is broken
can be beautiful.
what is battered
can be redeemed...
what you've cheaply traded...
He longs to restore.

The garment He wraps you in...
is just the right size...there is more than enough...

Grace

you wear it well...


Grace mixed with faith and love poured over me and into me. And all because of Jesus.

1 Timothy 1:14 The Message

The girl he raised...

I am the daughter of a preacher.

A Southern man.

Without airs and pretense, a firm believer in duct tape.

His collar blue, tinged with red.

The man that raised me, as you may have assumed, isn't a big fan of psychology and thus missed out on any realization that the right way to raise me was to hang on me the mantle of Princess.

My Daddy is a hard worker and balks at laziness...
It never occurred to him to let me be anything other than the girl he raised...

before my first manicure, I knew the value of putting your hands to work and finishing a job...
before ever relying on pilates, I knew the satisfaction that can only come from working your body physically to exhaustion and the strength that it builds...
before creams and potions littered my counter top , I knew the blush given by a day of working in the sun...

I never attended a cotillion....I wasn't introduced to society as a debutante...

I never lacked because I was equipped with the ethic to do what needs to be done. There is no job that is below my station and that beans and cornbread when eaten with a thankful heart-fills a part of your heart and soul that the most dignified palate fails to enjoy.

today I spent six hours working outside...
as I loaded and unloaded six truckloads full of limbs and brush. I thought a lot about the girl I am.

the girl that enjoys a pedicure, day at the spa and the salon that serves chilled water and wine...
the way twelve hundred count sheets feel against freshly showered skin...
the taste of Godiva...

is the same girl that can haul and carry fifty pound sacks of chicken feed and shoot a twelve gauge.

I don't fit a demographic or cast a glance down at those that might...

My lineage is the working class...

it's a privilege.


"That's something to be proud of
That's a life you can hang your hat on"

so long, self...

ever heard that song? So Long, Self by Mercy Me? No? Give it a listen. I've been singing it to me all day. :)

because today I have needed it. it seems saturday awoke, ready to trip me up...or either I wallowed around a bit this a.m. before realizing, ''uh, self...get over it.'' :)

But God ...see He is funnnnnnnnny and He keeps me humble.

This a.m. I may have sent an email to some friends lamenting various things in my life...one being...
my bad hair.
(my starting to grow out
was very dark brown
then lighter
then red
now red
with some blonde pulling through
oh wait
and then
the roots
where my REAL blonde hair is showing up and showing off at a good inch worth of growth)
hair.
oh and my bangs...remember I cut in bangs
and today
well I hate them too.

I am the very picture of vanity run a muck. :)

and tomorrow
(don't you dare.sing.Annie. to me...I may have bad red hair...but it ain't fuzzy today, at least!)

TOMORROW
I get to return to a former church my father pastored...
oh 21 years ago
when I was 16
and young
and untarnished by life
and funny
and blonde
really, truly, never met Miss Clariol at all
blonde

So
if you happen to be in LaGrange tomorrow
and you see someone clad in black
spackled in wrinkle cream
supported by Spanx
with very cutting edge roots on a fabulously bad color job...
that would be me...

But I got a pretty smile. :)


p.s. I have started back my Twitter account...mostly because, hmmm...i'm not really trying to trade distractions...mostly because twitter isn't a distraction at all...but it does allow me to spout off and share and catalog links and recipes and craft ideas and the like. It's like FB without interaction...hee :)

esoteric

this week I shared an email and in response was, ''you are having a most esoteric Lenten season'' :)

I would agree, in general, not just in terms of Lenten season...

it's friday. AE sits nearby styling a myriad of Barbies hair, the boys are huddled up in their room playing endless rounds of Fallout 3.

Pizza and cookies have been consumed, movies await.

and me...well, i'm finishing off day six of no Facebook. ...
was that my 'thing' I gave up for Lent?
the short answer, no. :)
dude, i'm baptist...we don't drink...we don't give up anything for Lent...
gosh. :)
(i kid, i kid...i mean we don't observe Lent...I was just being obnoxious in general and didn't want to offend. ...)


anyway, i digress...
I am taking, I suppose, a Spring Break... but that sounds so ..hmmm...I don't know. LOL I guess I really like FB, a lot. :) ... and I enjoy the conversations, the discussions, the post, the snark, the photos...the glimpses into others day to day. I like the interaction. Sue me. I don't feel like it's a huge time suck--UNLESS *I* allow it to be one. I don't play any games on FB. I take 45 seconds about 10 times a day (more or less) to post ''what's on my mind'' ... and then I flit around here and there seeing what's on other peoples minds. :)

You may not know this about me. I hear, well. My MIL-anyway, commented on this the other week when we were visiting...she and AE were in another room, I was busy in the kitchen and AE asked to do something and I said, ''no.'' MIL-anyway commented how I could hear... my kids can be in various conversations and I can follow along, while having my own... I don't know why-I don't think anything of it...it's just something I can do.

For me...lately, FB seems a bit noisy. Distracting. But it's NOT FB that is at fault. It's *meeeeeeeeeee* ... see, part of growing, changing, healing is hearing and listening. It should be noted that growing, changing and healing requires attention and stillness... so for me...a few weeks away from FB is just what my soul needs. I miss it like mad-and that is just the truth. :)

I am more than a teeny tiny bit excited that DST starts this weekend. Way more than a little. :)

I am in love with Skype, and talking to Mer in Germany.

I am also a wee bit addicted to Words with Friends. Wanna play? cjbrorsen = me :)

I have been reading a lot...various things...but reading & reading makes me happppppppy.

I had four packets of ranch dressing bust open in my purse-thanks to a kiddo that put them in there...so yeah...my purse smells of salad...nice :)

I currently have these lyrics stuck in my head:

"Hello?
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone at home?
Come on, now,
I hear you're feeling down.
Well I can ease your pain
Get you on your feet again.
Relax.
I'll need some information first.
Just the basic facts.
Can you show me where it hurts"

It's Texas Week...er, well Monday starts that...and what that means is a bazillion drunken teens and co-eds will invade South Padre Island in TX and well, yeah...they won't remember and they'll wish they wouldn't have and some will have the time of their lives...but this time of year always reminds me of living off HWY 100...the only road to South Padre and seeing the massive caravans of kids headed to the beach...

I did 150 step ups on a 12 inch step today...and walked 4 miles ... sometimes you have to work harder, because for a time you didn't work at all. :)

I have accepted that there are things that I will never, ever understand or wrap my mind around. However, it doesn't stop me from asking why or trying to make it make sense. :)

I watched the news this a.m. ... Japan. Sigh. I wonder if America realizes our blessedness...how we haven't dealt with such calamity. Tonight my heart hurts for the devastation and my prayers are heavy toward that country.

My parents house is almost done. I am so so so happy for them...for the memories they will make there-for the hard work my Daddy has done to make my Momma a home...for being able to share in their joy.

My friend Dana, her marriage makes me want to be married...the majority of other marriages make me contentedly single. :)

My birthday is less than 100 days away.
WOOT!

I have big hair tonight...AE and I did our spa night and well, ''beachy waves'' left me looking more like a reject from the ''miss i'm to old to be a contestant in the miss texas pageant'' hair :)

i want chocolate
and diet mt dew
neither of which are in my house.

i also want gas to be about 89¢ a gallon. :)
(I mean, really! )

and it's almost midnight (ok almost eleven...but tomorrow it will be practically time to change our clocks...so it's basically midnight tonight by tomorrow's standards. :) (ha!)

and with that I bid you happy weekend and good night.

esoteric?
yes!

The First Stone (archives)

2 "Teacher, this woman was caught red-handed in the act of adultery. Moses, in the Law, gives orders to stone such persons. What do you say?" They were trying to trap him into saying something incriminating so they could bring charges against him. 6-8Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger in the dirt. They kept at him, badgering him. He straightened up and said, "The sinless one among you, go first: Throw the stone." Bending down again, he wrote some more in the dirt. 9-10Hearing that, they walked away, one after another, beginning with the oldest. The woman was left alone. Jesus stood up and spoke to her. "Woman, where are they? Does no one condemn you?" 11"No one, Master." "Neither do I," said Jesus. "Go on your way. From now on, don't sin." (John 8...The Message)


she wasn't all cleaned up...
she wasn't the best society had to offer...
she was covered,
layers deep
in sin.

and really, who isn't?

oh,
don't look like that...
and whatever you do, don't dare throw on that jacket of ''in-sin-ability''
maybe, you cover yours well...
maybe, perhaps no one suspects...
maybe, just maybe
you haven't been caught, you haven't fallen short, you haven't been pulled into the center of town and put on display...

or maybe,
just maybe...
you don't even try to cover it...

regardless
it's the same
it's all the same-
sin

the godly of that day-ever on a mission to right the wrong
proudly drug her to Jesus...bowed out their chest, threw the ''rules'' at Him and then watched for His response...
they wanted justice
they wanted her to pay
...
oddly,
that crowd, was the precursor for today's church
and boy, have we carried on that tradition well...
got a little sin issue, we will point that right out for you...
struggling, we'll 'pray' for you and maybe you'll get that fixed...
you did what, AGAIN, really, AGAIN...you are taking that whole grace thing a little far, no?..

---
and where is Jesus in all of this?

read up there...

He was with the woman...
not with the holy guys, the mr. pointer outters of the sin

with the woman
listening to them...their accusations
and you know, He never said, ''hey lady, you are doing exactly right''
he never condoned her actions...
but
(hear this)
he stood by her
when the church didn't

...

why is it so easy to grip the stone, pose the throw...
why do we so easily attach ourselves to the wind up of the toss...
ready to drag them to Jesus, in their sin...

when as Christ followers...
OUR example
the one we follow

His hands held no stones...
His heart held no judgement...
His voice, asking the question that ours should echo...

''where are they...''

so, why not drop the rocks,
grip some grace,
hang on to some mercy
and love them
not because they are right

but

because He is...

Rememberance Stones

Rememberance Stones a photo by Kudzu and Koolaid on Flickr.

This is from the archives at Flickr...
but much the stirrings of my heart currently...
remembering
making a mark
...

Rememberance Stones
I have three boys and up until the third I had never really dealt with finding treasures in pants pockets.

I know it is not an uncommon thing with boys-they find things, they have treasures that need a home and so their pocket is the logical place.

Elijah, my third born is a pocket stuffer. He is funny the objects change, but he forever has a treasure in his pocket. For a while it was three small men that came with their mega sub set at Christmas. Then it was two rubber balls. There was the handless Anakin, the whistle/light from speech and most recently rocks.

He is funny. He wanted pants with pockets to sleep in so that he could have his treasures. LOL

Because of his latest love I have a collection beginning on my kitchen window sill. The big one on the bottom, he found on his way to speech Thursday, it's shaped like a heart & that find made him feel more than incredible. He.had.discoverd.a.heart.shaped.rock.!!

I love that kid-and all that he brings into our lives.

I'll remember...

Each of you heft a stone to your shoulder, a stone for each of the tribes of the People of Israel, so you'll have something later to mark the occasion. When your children ask you, 'What are these stones to you?' you'll say, 'The flow of the Jordan was stopped in front of the Chest of the Covenant of God as it crossed the Jordan—stopped in its tracks. These stones are a permanent memorial for the People of Israel.'" --The Message

Swirly...

my thoughts are swirly...this is what happens on long road trips.

oh that's right, you didn't know. :)

I returned yesterday from a long weekend trip to Texas. I took my kiddos to see their grandparents.

Long drives (peppered with ''turn the radio station...we've already heard that song fifteen times on the ipod...mom I need to pee...at the next rest area I want a snack from the snack box...are we out of Al...MS...LA...TX...yet'') always take me to a thinkerly place...700 miles of thinkerly & for someone that typically over thinks ANYWAY...well, yeah...swirly. :)

But today I am home. With semi ''sick'' kiddos. Ok...two of the four-but I think it's allergy/sinus...having driven through four states and experienced all their pollen produced yuck.

I am doing laundry. A lot of laundry.
I just took a picture that made me smile. The yellow bell is in full bloom and the sky is the most amazing shade of blue and the contrast between them...just beautiful.
I grocery shopped...pizza rolls are in the oven for lunch and for supper:

Capt Crunch chicken tenders with homemade honey mustard (only I omit the Dijon and add a dash of red pepper and no lemon juice) (Ritz crusted tenders for the adults)
Mac and cheese (8 oz of elbow mac boiled...butter (lots), flour to thicken...two cups of milk...four cups of cheese...bake off)
Squash (pan sauteed with onions)
fried corn (ae's request)
broc and cheese
biscuits

We are taking our ''winter break'' this week from school. Tonight we have a movie ... I considered making some brownies or...something...but I think they can just work on left overs from the snack box from when we traveled.

It's March...MARCH.
happycontentedsigh mmmmaaaarrrrccccchhhh
practically April
seemingly Spring
another winter, almost done
always the almost caveat...this is the South after all, land of the sneak attack March snow storm...
i hope...
against hope
that the lovely weather we've had for the last two weeks holds...
that winter tucks it long nights and short days away and that Spring kisses us with an early arrival...
but I cautiously hope
but HOPE
indeed
Spring is coming
Summer is near
*smile*

I had a talk with my MIL-anyway, (this is what you call your ex in-laws, that you are still close to, that refer to you as their daughter -in-law still, that keep you in the family and that love your kids like mad)...we were talking about people and how some people are what I deem ''buckets with a hole'' no matter what good your pour into them, no matter what idea you suggest, what you try...they always, always, always...ALWAYS have a reason it won't work. ''Buckets with a Hole'' wear you down and wear you out and tax every reserve you have... and something I realized...about ...ME....while I am NOT an obvious one...I am a subversive one and it's just as bad. (see I told you, thinkerly!)

I also thought a lot on Jesus and his treatment of Judas. Have you read the scripture...where Judas betrays Jesus with the kiss? Where Jesus KNEW (since He is ALL KNOWING and all) that he would be betrayed...knew it...KNEW IT .... and yet when Judas came to him, greeted him excitedly and kissed Him...Jesus just said, ''do what you've come to do.'' Everything in my nature fights that. I want Jesus to cut him off at the knees...to just SHOW HIM that sorry betrayer , pretending to be a friend...

but Jesus

I've been so challenged in my thinking of Jesus.
Of putting Jesus in the BOX
never, ever, ever, ever mistake that Jesus is just...
something is lost in our current culture of ''jesus is love, do what you wanna do''
because you miss a whole aspect of God in that thinking.
OH
Jesus loves...completely
but there is a VAST difference in acceptance and tolerance
Jesus accepts US as we are...loves us more than we can imagine...passionately pursues us...
BUT
His character...
He cannot tolerate lukewarm...you CANNOT live in opposition of God's word...rules ...statues and rest of the ''God loves me''
Oh He loves you...but he does not tolerate that, he can't...
(see thinkerly!)

ok and now it's time to reboot laundry
and walk a mile or six :)
happy thursday, yall! :)