On becoming forty-one

Today is my birthday.

(go ahead, grab a piece of cake, or chocolate, or maybe pie... just celebrate...
I'll give you a minute)

I love my birthday.
(that's kind of an understatement)

Having a summer birthday, growing up I never got to have group parties...
but all that changed in college...
at the end of my freshman year...
I turned 19...
and....
well...
my parents drove up...
and there was a party...
and Sesame  Street party goods...
there was cake and ice cream...
and everyone was invited.
Now, I went to a smaller school...
but when I tell you my dorm lobby was full o' people eating free cake...
I'm not kidding.
It was great.

My twenty-first birthday found me...
at home
(right, I know... sowing oats and all)
with an Army Ranger making me funnel cakes...
there are worst ways to celebrate than fried dough covered in sugar.

My twenty-seventh, I woke early and took two little tow- headed boys to every play place in town...because seeing them crazy, happy with delight...kinda made my day.

all of my days...
my celebrating...
my life planning...

never prepared me for this life...I live.

I didn't imagine a divorce or a devastated heart...
returning home and being humbled...
wandering and wondering ...
finding God outside of the box in which I had so neatly kept Him...
and finding Him faithful, even when I wasn't...

and I never imagined
cancer becoming a re-connection tool
or a reconciliation...
and yet, I sit here...on the afternoon of my birthday
living that life.

and if I am honest...
it's not always easy...
and it's scary...
and a lot of times sad.

I never imagined discussing DNR's with my husband or explaining faith and healing to my eight -year- old daughter.
I never imagined watching the man that was so strong, be reduced to such levels of pain...

 I wouldn't have picked it (who would?)
but I'm learning to trust the greatest Gift Giver
to help me open all of my days to Him
and what He knows is best...

Some gifts come wrapped in the oddest paper...
but it's a gift , just the same...

Carried

I sat there...

the sun warm against my skin...
the breeze carrying the heavy scent of ocean in the air...
the sky ran into the water
 and the water
ran into the shore...
and I sat there...
watching the waves crash against the sand...

and she danced and played in the waves, in a way only and eight year old can...
and he slept...dozing in an almost perfect environment
and I watched..
kiteboarders skittering across the waves...pulled by a thin piece of fabric, catching the breeze...

and I sat...
lost in my favorite place...
looking at a little girl and a grown man...
and mesmerized by a man dancing across the waves...

because my life...
so often feels like an angry sea...
and my days...
the moments...
feel big and crashing...
and the reality-
enormous

and I feel like my faith is frail...
and weak...
thin.

but today...
I watched a man... be carried across the angriest of waves...
by a simple, thin sheet of fabric...
and
the wind

and I remembered another Man...
that walked across the water
and I felt the breeze grab the tiniest sliver of my frazzled faith...

and knew
He was carrying
me
too.

Sunday...Sunday...Sunday...

It's treatment weekend and that found Donald (for the first time) s-i-c-k....
 we nixed church...
but I'd already made a sausage and gravy casserole and some blueberry biscuits...
so the kids had showered ...they filled their tummies and gladly went  off to their rooms for unexpected screen time..

I did the usual...
laundry
and decided it was probably best that I at least go get
some things
so that meals can happen this week...

I ended up at Wallyword with all the Spring Break kids...but it was a quick trip and this week's menu is set:

Dirty Rice and cheddar wurst and Mexican cornbread

Chicken and broccoli Alfredo with garlic knots

breakfast for dinner or shepherd's pie

tacos/refried beans/spanish rice

I hope you have a really good week.

Friday Five - Pure Frippery

I won't lie.
I like being a girl.
I like doing my nails.
I like make up.
I like getting pedicures.
I like lip gloss.

It's true.

Today, I share with you some of my favorite spots on the web for hints and tips...

Cara at Maskcara
Tiffanyd at Makeup by Tiffany D - i love her tutorials, especially for eyes, she uses high end products and drugstore products.
EmilyNoel - is a former news anchor that uses both high end and drugstore products.
Leighannsays-I happened upon her looking for a sunless tanner review and fell in love with her style.
Kandee  Oh my stars-she's edgy and very LA but I love her spunky style. She's just fun and encouraging.

Hope yall enjoy these...
and have a fabulous weekend!

human

I am never more aware of my human-ness than when confronted with something that is absolutely joyful...

amazing...

fantastic...

(for someone else)

but that skipped me...

and I danced with those ugly feelings today.

sitting in the cancer center, awaiting Donald's cat scan I sat talking to an older couple. The husband, outgoing and funny, is recovering from a  surgery that took fifteen hours and rerouted his innards and chemo treatments...

and

he is in remission.

and there is nothing

nothing

like the duplicity of sitting there

feeling so happy

that he IS

and yet sad because that isn't an option for Donald.

And this isn't really about being down or negative...it's just honest.  

Sunday Somethings...

I posted last week...

on Monday.

I posted this very picture and words...

only...

blogger was odd and wonky

{or I am odd and wonky...}

and it was all a mess...

So.

new week.

new (recycled) photo post.

Last week I started making homemade ranch dressing.

{see blue mason jar}

it is amazing and yummy

and easy

and cheap.

1 cup buttermilk

1 cup sour cream

1 teaspoon:

garlic powder

onion powder

parsley flakes

salt

pepper

Now, here's the thing...do not over mix 

and by over mix

I mean...

do not do much more than JUST blend the stuff...

because it breaks it down

and then you have thin dressing...

the taste ... still utterly ranch deliciousness...

but 

just

thin.

(I've seen other recipes that do 1/2 cup mayo. 1/2 cup sour cream, 1 cup buttermilk... that's an option...

I also used Greek yogurt as my ''sour cream'' in one batch)

the other beauty in the photo...

balsamic vinegar

reduced

just pour it in a sauce pan

simmer to reduce by half

and then it it on everything...

except maybe oatmeal..

sugar cookies...

seriously...I put it on salads, veggies, chicken...everything.

Last week, was also the first time I ever made tortillas...

again...

SO easy.

and the results...

well,

I made 32 in one day

and there were...

about 

possibly 

2 left by day's end... 

This week...

I'm working on homemade granola bars-

because my kids love them...

(and there will be photos and such if it's a success!)

I logged my most miles every this week...

I'm working hard this year...

and as simplistic as it sounds-

that's what it takes...

wishing

wanting

hoping

none of that changes anything

DOING

changes things...

and so emotionally, spiritually and physically I am making myself 

DO more...

I have our Sunday dinner in the crockpot...

pineapple jabanero salsa mix with bbq sauce

and poured over chicken breast...

then I'll shred and we'll have sandwiches

baked beans

and baked potatoes (also in (another) the crockpot)

My menu for the week is made:

(can you even stand it?... the waiting...to know...what.I.am.cooking?)

Monday: bean and cheese burritos (with potatoes too, if there are left overs today ...(I will cube them up and fry them off a bit and add to the burrito bar)

Spanish rice

zesty cauliflower bites

Tuesday: Lazy Lasagna

salad

homemade garlic bread sticks

Wednesday: breakfast for dinner

Thursday:Taco soup

Mexican cornbread 

Friday: homemade pizza

Today...

there is church

and lunch...

and the beach

where I will walk and watch the gulls

and listen to the crash of the waves...

and feel the sand...

and the warmth of the sun

and be thankful,

again,

for this crazy, amazing life I live...

and tomorrow...

it will happen...

Monday will come...

and I will again

find the grace to make it through another week. 

Living in the overflow-

might be my favorite theme

{it sure it teaching me to look...listen...and live}

Living In the overflow

May the GOD of hope, fill you with JOY and PEACE as you trust in HIM, so that you may OVERFLOW with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. 

Romans 15:13

A new year is here and I find myself...as  often do at the beginning...

filled with plans and ideas.

I've never been a huge resolutions person...but I do usually make goals or plans or have things I'd like to change or do...

This year is no exception...

and this year

my theme comes from the above verse...

Living Life In The Overflow

My goal this year is to become the very best me...

and I am learning

HIS overflow

fills up SO many crevices...

I'm determined to focus more on details...

to celebrate something each day...

to find and surround myself with beauty...

to read good things...

to create...

to speak 

carefully...

to take more photos 

[yes, of food...it's a free world people]

to fill my days with things that matter...

things that feed my soul...

that help me find joy...

that keep me floating around in the OVERFLOW of grace.