well, I didn't mean to not post...

Goodness.

I didn't mean not to post...
and now
it feels like there is so much to post...

Let's see...
We leave here June 5th... that's approaching rather quickly so this week I will start the process of getting things ready to leave.

We are headed to the beach June 6th-10/11th . Donald will be deep sea diving and I will be listening to oceans crash and turning 40.

This weekend we went to Albuquerque. Donald had a long weekend so we thought a little mini adventure...
We drove up Saturday and did the Sandia Peak Tramway...very amazingly cool-VERY high.
We stayed at lovely hotel.
Sunday we got up to do the zoo and botanical gardens...
only
well
my Suburban
my ten year old
has traveled a lot of miles
has covered the US of A
my
favorite vehicle
ever
started overheating...
and (to spare a lot of stops and starts and a burn on Donald's arm from coolant stories)
she finally gave up the ghost and died...

So.
we ended up looking for cars.
OR
Donald ended up looking and buying
a new minivan
and she's pretty
and swoony
and I am so not a fan of minivans
just am not
but this one
is sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeet
and i'm falling in love.

and so
now I realized that this week is busy...
so much catching up on laundry and such from the weekend...
i have to do a big grocery run
i have grass to cut
and
have to drive back to Albuquerque for some paper work stuffs...

I'm currently pondering the summer...
and what I'm going to do
and the kids
as far as spending time in the word.
I'm going to allow myself this week to get a plan together...
then I'll share here. :D

Hope yall had a nice weekend and a great week.

In the middle of being thankful...

Get along among yourselves, each of you doing your part. Our counsel is that you warn the freeloaders to get a move on. Gently encourage the stragglers, and reach out for the exhausted, pulling them to their feet. Be patient with each person, attentive to individual needs. And be careful that when you get on each other’s nerves you don’t snap at each other. Look for the best in each other, and always do your best to bring it out.

 Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live. 1 Thessalonians 5:13-18

I'll be really honest. I am typing this late Wednesday night...because, I forgot it was Wednesday. I'm typing it in our rental home...where it is a cozy 86 degrees at present. It was 95 degrees today. I am sunburned. Oh and I have hot flashes.  So, I almost missed my deadline for writing. I'm hot, sunburned, hot-flashing and my air conditioning is broken and our high tomorrow is 98 degrees.

You know what.

I struggle with being thankful - right this minute.

I could lie...and tell you I am happy to have a home (and I am) , I could say ''oh, it's  first world problem, many have it so much worse'' (and they do) I could pretend and SAY the right thing-but , if I am honest and transparent, I will say...sometimes-it's hard to be thankful. (especially when you are sticking to a leather couch...)

Here is the thing. 

Sometimes it is...

it just is...

but that is why we have the Word. 

To remind us...

that regardless of our momentary troubles (regardless of how hot it is...or how hard things seem)

that we are to FIND thankfulness...

Did you read that whole snippet of scripture up there?

Did you?

because, it addresses a lot of 'us'...

a lot of our struggles...

our problems...

it tells us to work it out, to get along...to do our part.

it tells us to warn the freeloaders to get a move on...

it tells us to encourage those lagging behind and to lend a hand to those that are exhausted...

it tells us to be patient-to pay attention to individual needs...

and it says to be careful...that when you get on each other nerves (it's in the Word...it's going to happen...people WILL INDEED GET ON YOUR NERVES) to not snap at each other...

and finally it says to look for the best in each other...

but not only to look for the best...

but

to bring it out in each other...

THIS

is why we have the Word.

Because, the Word reminds us that our FEELINGS are not what we follow.  

I don't believe we have to pretend . I think (I mean, I just admitted my current feelings...it's HOT in here, y'all) we can be honest, express a true feeling WITH the understanding that we aren't going to wallow in it. 

The Word...acknowledges that everything is not going to be perfect...

that hard times and trials will come...

 our hearts will be broken...

 we will face questions and things will happen that do not make sense...

there will be times, that we struggle to believe...

and it won't seem like things are ''working together for our good''

but-

the Word

reminds us...

as Christ's followers that we are a family...

we are responsible for each other...

to carry each other...

to lend a hand...

to encourage ...

to pray...

to cheer...

to be thankful...

(now, send a sister a fan!)

Oh, gee, your hair...er, body spray, smells terrific ....

Here is the truth.

I love good smells.

I also realize that 'good smell' is subjective.

I've also smelled things on other people that was nice...

and on me...

not so much.

And people like different things...

and some people might think...really? a whole post about smells...

but , yeah, a whole post...

because I enjoy reading what other people like...

and this is what I like. :D

For the last couple of years I've worn Bath and Body Works Sensual Amber layered with their Dark Kiss. It was a perfect blend and I have gotten a lot of compliments on the scent mixture.

Of course, they discontinued Dark Kiss...

and I was left with Sensual Amber.

(which really is nice...)

I found a knock off at Target by Bodycology ... (can't think of it now...but it is very similar to the Dark Kiss...and that is what I've been using.

Until Mother's Day...

when I got four new scents.

That's different for me...

because I try to find ONE scent I love and stay with it (or you know one blended scent...whatever...)

But as I walked around smelling and sniffing...

each of these kind of pulled me in...

One, the Daisy Dreamgirl, is from a new line, that I assume is aimed at the tween/teen/co-ed aged girl...but

it was purple...and named Daisy and so it was immediately attached to Natalie (my friend, who died of cancer, on my birthday, almost six years ago now...she loved daisies ...and purple...)

Anyway, I intend to play with these and still use the sensual amber as a base mixture...

but a little about the scents:

My faithful mixer...Sensual Amber (I will be very, very, very, very. very, very,. very sad if they every discontinue this....)

Sensual Amber:

Introducing our NEW Fine Fragrance Mist. Our beautiful, sophisticated new bottle features a Fine Fragrance pump for a more delicate mist and improved coverage control. Lavishly spritz our refreshing Signature Collection Fine Fragrance Mist lavishly on your body to lightly scent your skin with our exclusive, seductive Sensual Amber, the exotic scent of pink lotus petals enveloped in golden amber.

• Top Notes: Bergamot, Wild Berries, Succulent Plum
• Mid Notes: White Rose, Orange Flower , Lotus Petals, Iris
• Dry Notes: Amber, Creamy Sandalwood, Vanilla, Patchouli, Praline, Musk
• Aloe conditions and nourishes skin

Rome Honeysuckle Amore:

Lavishly spray on our glamorous fragrance and radiate our head-over-heels blend of pink honeysuckle, golden peach & cyprus woods. Our sophisticated new pump delivers great coverage and delicate mist for the lightest, most refreshing way to fragrance.

• Top Notes: Italian Peach, Blackberry, Green Mandarin
• Mid Notes: Pink Honeysuckle, White Raspberry, Peony
• Dry Notes: Golden Amber, Soft Sandalwood, Cypress Wood

Daisy Dreamgirl:

Lavishly spritz to lightly scent your skin with a dream come true mix of clementine #38; star daisies! Our sophisticated new pump delivers great coverage and delicate mist for the lightest, most refreshing way to fragrance.

• T: Italian Bergamot, Grapefruit, Magnolia, Maracuya, Pear.
• M: Lily of the Valley, Freesia, Jasmine, Passion Fruit.
• D: Sandalwood, White Amber, Musk

Bali Mango:

Transport your senses! Lavishly spritz your skin for a light and indulgent island aroma of juicy mango, rich sugar cane and luscious nectarine. Our sophisticated new pump delivers great coverage and delicate mist for the lightest, most refreshing way to fragrance!

• Top Notes: Sparkling Tangerine, Asian Apple, Peony
• Mid Notes: Thai Lychee, Passion Flower, Pink Rose, Nectarine
• Dry Notes: Raspberry Coulis, Skin Musk, Sugar Woods

Rio Rumberry:

Transport your senses! Lavishly spritz your skin for a light and indulgent island aroma of tropical berries, fresh papaya and warm vanilla blossom. Our sophisticated new pump delivers great coverage and delicate mist for the lightest most refreshing way to fragrance!

• Top Notes: Juicy Thai Papaya, Tangelo, Fresh Coconut Water, Sparkling Summer Lemon
• Mid Notes: Tiare Flower Plumeria, Watery Starfruit
• Dry Notes: Coconut Cream, Tahitian Vanilla, Indonesian 
• Sandalwood

various and sundry and moving on...

Where to begin...

Mother's Day.
...
Was very nice.  We had planned a little out of town trip after we ran a 5K on Saturday morning. The 5K....ah, the one where I bit the pavement ...tore up my hand...dug out both knees and banged my forearm. Yes, THAT 5K. :)

But I finished it.

Then we headed east for three hours...

(did I mention Donald had a sore throat?)

Oh, so we arrived at our destination, grabbed lunch and hit Old Navy...
bought a good bit

(did I mention all four kids have no summer clothes, no swimming attire and no formal attire and we have a wedding in a couple of weeks?  Oh and shoes...no summer shoes and they all need new running shoes...)

oh ...
and the sore throat...
this would be the point in the trip where Donald starts running a fever...

Yeah.
So. we shopped and headed back to the room ...
where I looked up urgent care clinics
and
he got diagnosed  with strep throat.

FUN TIMES. :)

So , Saturday evening he took his meds and slept...
the kids swam for a couple of hours...
and I sat poolside, reading.

Sunday...
Mother's Day...was also Donald's birthday.
He was still running fever and feeling pretty yucky...
but we did an early ''beat the church folk/mother's day folk'' lunch at Olive Garden...
and then did some shopping at Target and picked up his free birthday dozen donuts at Krispy Kreme...

then we headed back toward Roswell.

It was a good weekend.
(I got new Bath and Body Works, a new watch, a manicure and am getting a new Vera Bradley...no complaints here)

In a few weeks, we will be leaving...
on the road again.

We knew when we took this assignment it was a three month deal....
but we really did hope for more-
but sequestration plays into all that...and so... we return to West Texas...and small town...and driving an hour to Walmart, soon.

We talked a little today.
Ideally, Donald wants to stay here. He LOVES his job here-it is his niche...
but
God has a different plan...
and sometimes...that's hard...
especially when you like His current one. :D

But, we've already started talking about putting in our square foot gardening plots...fixing up our front porch and making it cozy and making some magic space appear in our uber tiny house there... (and I realize tiny is relative...and it's not a complaint, not really, it's a nice house...it's just two bedrooms and one bedroom is filled with books, a very large L shaped desk and lots of storage stuff...so ...it's a one bedroom...with kids sleeping in the living room. ;)  (see...we've just got to work out better arrangements...it'll happen)  ...

I will miss being close to town...
and
my running group....

thinking about not being here for running on Saturdays makes me sad....
but I HOPE
we can drive up, maybe once a month and do a run with them...
we'll have to see-

I can run on my own...I really can...but I LOVE how running with the group...pushes me.

It will all work out.
It always does.

I'm looking forward to summer...
we have about two weeks of school left...

we have about a month until our beach vacation and my 40th birthday...

there will be a trip to GA this summer...

my momma always says, ''the only constant is change''

I'd rather look for the good...find the happy and look forward to the changes
than to fight them...

here's to what lies ahead...
and trusting Him who has already gone before me. :D

In the middle of wondering...

Have you ever been disappointed?

Have you ever prayed and prayed and prayed...
and the answer felt like a rejection?

Have you ever felt like you are being forgotten?

Have you ever had days that you doubted?

If we are honest... I think we all have...
and if God knows our hearts and the thoughts we have , why can't we feel ok to admit our struggles?

The ones that sail through , never seeming to struggle, make me feel inadequate.
It's not that I doubt God is good.
It's not that I doubt He is right.
It's not that I doubt that He has a plan.
It's not that I think my way is better.

No, it's not that.

Because, there is a part of me, that knows those things...a part of me that clings to them. They are my north star, keeping my faith guided even when things around me rage in stormy proportions.

I never doubt Him.

but, if I am honest...
I struggle with me.

I battle against praying for something that the odds are against...
And yet I feel like praying is my only method for beating those odds.
And.
then.
if I am really, really, really, gut level, honest...
I struggle with wanting to rant and rail

it's just not fair.

but if I allow myself...
to remember...
the whole of His promises...

if I allow myself to get lost in His word...

if I stop
and refocus

I find people throughout scripture, just like me...
Mary and Martha-weeping and questioning Jesus' love when their brother Lazarus died...
The woman that had spent twelve years, money and countless visits to doctors-still not healed...
Thomas... standing in front of Jesus, but still needing to touch his scars before he would commit to believing...
and Jesus , in the garden, praying for the cup to pass...

If you follow those stories, each time you will see a GREATER ending than the current situation projected...

This is what I hold on to as I pray daily...for Donald's cancer, for friends that are struggling with seeing God's plan, when I wonder how things can turn out for good...

 even if my current reaction is doubt ...

that my heart will hold to the GREATER ending that He has planned...

What are you struggling with believing?
What have you prayed for over and over and feel it isn't being answered?
What situation, wiggles at the edges of your faith, making you wonder ?
What doubt dances across your mind as you pray?

Remember-these current things are just precursors ... they are steps in the path that He has designed. It's ok to wonder about the steps...it's ok to fall down and cry along the route. It's even ok, to get  frustrated with the whole thing. God is a big, big God and He can handle it. He knows the trail, He marked it out and He's walked it already...

This weekend Donald and I will run a 5K.
Donald , with his ten minute mile pace, will cross the finish line long before I do.
But he'll be waiting for me when I get there...

What a GREAT ending.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart..

Jeremiah 29:11-13.

In the middle of living a prayer...

Our Father
who art in Heaven
-Sometimes, if I am honest, you feel really far away...

Hallowed be they name
-Sometimes, all I can muster is a whisper of your name...

Thy kingdom come
-sometimes I wonder what is coming next and how much more can come my way...

They will be done
-sometimes I hate this part...
it's hard.
I know you are good but that doesn't mean all the stuff that happens is good.
But, even on the hardest, saddest days. I say this phrase and believe your will is right...

On earth as it is in Heaven
-sometimes I long for heaven...
for peace.
sometimes I cling to earth-
wanting just a bit more time...
I am thankful to know you are at both places-actively present and working...

Give us this day our daily bread
-sometimes I am so focused on tomorrow, next week or next month that today is something that I just try to make it through. I am busily praying for the future and discount the conversation for the present.
Help me to focus on you, this day...

Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors
-sometimes forgiveness is a struggle
people hurl words, people act hurtful, people break hearts.
Help me to forgive like you and to be forgiven by you ...

Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil
-sometimes I see it coming and I avoid the path.
sometimes I walk right down it...
lead me-deliver me

For thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever
-sometimes I forget.
you are EVERYTHING.
Help me to remember to glance often at your glory...

Amen
-sometimes Amen is considered the end of a prayer but it means ''so be it'' help me to live in the so be it of life...and trust that you are right there with me.

and so
even though sometimes you feel far away and all I can do is whisper your name...
even though I wonder what more can happen, I trust your will, I am thankful for the promise of Heaven and your presence on earth...
even though I forget to focus on this day, help me to forgive like you...
keep my path clear and help me to remember
regardless of what is going on...
your glory is present
and I can rest in the echoing
so be it
of my life.