That's what I love about a Sunday...

I was thinking on something this morning...

during a worship service that looked almost nothing like the worship services in which I grew up...

because see, I grew up in the South...
across the South...
my formative and high school years  in the red clay of Georgia...
elementary in the bayous of Mississippi...
and a few years in Alabama...

and there are a few things, in the South , that there are a lot of:
Dollar Generals
Waffle Houses
and
Baptist churches

Southern Baptist Churches

Sunday clothes
panty hose
choir robes
potlucks
sunday school

churches

and I love them.

And for a long time, that was my comfort zone, my normal...my way to worship.

So to find myself
in a building with folding chairs...
and a stage...
and (gasp) lights and a band
and a pastor sans a tie
and
no
sunday
school
(what? surely goodness and mercy...how are these kids going know the five finger facts or the books of the bible or  the ... oh... wait)

see,
I grew up in an area where everybody goes to church...
and even if you don't go to church you've gone to church..
or you go to VBS
or you go to Easter and Christmas...
or you know someone who goes and you've gone with them...
and you know
about church
because
well, they are , everywhere...
it's part of the culture , practically...

So when we moved here in 2013 and visited our current church...
maybe you'd find it odd...
that the first Sunday-Donald and I both knew-it was ''our'' church...

A church where the pastor pours himself out through three sermons each Sunday...
and a worship team leads before each...
where a whole wing is dedicated to kids-and filled with people passionate about them knowing Jesus...
where small groups meet throughout the week-and the work of the church is done...
where on Fridays Pastor Mike hosts one of the largest Celebrate Recovery programs ...
where you are welcome , in your brokenness ...in your addiction...in your weight of life...
to come a meet a Man that was broken for you...
A church where there is coffee and cake in the back...
and you come just as you are...

a church that is everything I believed the church shouldn't be...

My pastor is a bible believing, compassionate, ,God fearing and following, leader...
and he preaches truth...
and stands for Christ...
and honors Him with his life and in his example...

But my church exist...
because there are so many people-hurting, lost and in need of a Savior...
and the traditional church...
well,
they don't want their kind.
but my pastor has a heart for those people...
and because He wants them to know
there is more...
there is better...
there is hope...
there is Jesus....

I sat this morning, hands raised, singing the words...

"at the cross , at the cross, I surrender my life...
I owe all to you, I owe all to you"

and I looked around at a building full of people,
that came because:

"at BCF we exist to invite those who don't usually go to church and to help them become fully transformed followers of Christ."

and I was thankful...

Cough, cough, sputter, wheeze...

Good lands

::blows dust::

it's been a minute since I've posted , huh?

I didn't even realize how long, until I got the idea to update the blog...and to... blog.

It's been over a year.

I've had another birthday.

I've walked through the death of my husband...
and almost a year later...
I'm wanting to write...

and here is the thing...

it's going to be honest.
it's going to be my life.

I cook a lot.
I take pictures of the food I cook.

I get hooked on Netflix or Amazon shows and binge watch them.

I am Southern.
and not bothered by that.
I love the South.
I love the food of the South.
I love moss in trees...
humidity that's thick
and little country churches with red back hymnals.

I love college football.
SEC football.
but I watch it all.
All day long on Saturdays in the fall...

Coffee is my favorite food group.

Sometimes I ponder and think and words spill out...
and sometimes I rant about somebody talking too long to order their breakfast taco.

I lived through 2014...
I can handle most anything...

and I want to get back to blogging...
to simply sharing my days...
because there are some really good days ahead.

He promised...

I hope you'll hang around. :)

On becoming forty-one

Today is my birthday.

(go ahead, grab a piece of cake, or chocolate, or maybe pie... just celebrate...
I'll give you a minute)

I love my birthday.
(that's kind of an understatement)

Having a summer birthday, growing up I never got to have group parties...
but all that changed in college...
at the end of my freshman year...
I turned 19...
and....
well...
my parents drove up...
and there was a party...
and Sesame  Street party goods...
there was cake and ice cream...
and everyone was invited.
Now, I went to a smaller school...
but when I tell you my dorm lobby was full o' people eating free cake...
I'm not kidding.
It was great.

My twenty-first birthday found me...
at home
(right, I know... sowing oats and all)
with an Army Ranger making me funnel cakes...
there are worst ways to celebrate than fried dough covered in sugar.

My twenty-seventh, I woke early and took two little tow- headed boys to every play place in town...because seeing them crazy, happy with delight...kinda made my day.

all of my days...
my celebrating...
my life planning...

never prepared me for this life...I live.

I didn't imagine a divorce or a devastated heart...
returning home and being humbled...
wandering and wondering ...
finding God outside of the box in which I had so neatly kept Him...
and finding Him faithful, even when I wasn't...

and I never imagined
cancer becoming a re-connection tool
or a reconciliation...
and yet, I sit here...on the afternoon of my birthday
living that life.

and if I am honest...
it's not always easy...
and it's scary...
and a lot of times sad.

I never imagined discussing DNR's with my husband or explaining faith and healing to my eight -year- old daughter.
I never imagined watching the man that was so strong, be reduced to such levels of pain...

 I wouldn't have picked it (who would?)
but I'm learning to trust the greatest Gift Giver
to help me open all of my days to Him
and what He knows is best...

Some gifts come wrapped in the oddest paper...
but it's a gift , just the same...

Carried

I sat there...

the sun warm against my skin...
the breeze carrying the heavy scent of ocean in the air...
the sky ran into the water
 and the water
ran into the shore...
and I sat there...
watching the waves crash against the sand...

and she danced and played in the waves, in a way only and eight year old can...
and he slept...dozing in an almost perfect environment
and I watched..
kiteboarders skittering across the waves...pulled by a thin piece of fabric, catching the breeze...

and I sat...
lost in my favorite place...
looking at a little girl and a grown man...
and mesmerized by a man dancing across the waves...

because my life...
so often feels like an angry sea...
and my days...
the moments...
feel big and crashing...
and the reality-
enormous

and I feel like my faith is frail...
and weak...
thin.

but today...
I watched a man... be carried across the angriest of waves...
by a simple, thin sheet of fabric...
and
the wind

and I remembered another Man...
that walked across the water
and I felt the breeze grab the tiniest sliver of my frazzled faith...

and knew
He was carrying
me
too.

Sunday...Sunday...Sunday...

It's treatment weekend and that found Donald (for the first time) s-i-c-k....
 we nixed church...
but I'd already made a sausage and gravy casserole and some blueberry biscuits...
so the kids had showered ...they filled their tummies and gladly went  off to their rooms for unexpected screen time..

I did the usual...
laundry
and decided it was probably best that I at least go get
some things
so that meals can happen this week...

I ended up at Wallyword with all the Spring Break kids...but it was a quick trip and this week's menu is set:

Dirty Rice and cheddar wurst and Mexican cornbread

Chicken and broccoli Alfredo with garlic knots

breakfast for dinner or shepherd's pie

tacos/refried beans/spanish rice

I hope you have a really good week.

Friday Five - Pure Frippery

I won't lie.
I like being a girl.
I like doing my nails.
I like make up.
I like getting pedicures.
I like lip gloss.

It's true.

Today, I share with you some of my favorite spots on the web for hints and tips...

Cara at Maskcara
Tiffanyd at Makeup by Tiffany D - i love her tutorials, especially for eyes, she uses high end products and drugstore products.
EmilyNoel - is a former news anchor that uses both high end and drugstore products.
Leighannsays-I happened upon her looking for a sunless tanner review and fell in love with her style.
Kandee  Oh my stars-she's edgy and very LA but I love her spunky style. She's just fun and encouraging.

Hope yall enjoy these...
and have a fabulous weekend!

human

I am never more aware of my human-ness than when confronted with something that is absolutely joyful...

amazing...

fantastic...

(for someone else)

but that skipped me...

and I danced with those ugly feelings today.

sitting in the cancer center, awaiting Donald's cat scan I sat talking to an older couple. The husband, outgoing and funny, is recovering from a  surgery that took fifteen hours and rerouted his innards and chemo treatments...

and

he is in remission.

and there is nothing

nothing

like the duplicity of sitting there

feeling so happy

that he IS

and yet sad because that isn't an option for Donald.

And this isn't really about being down or negative...it's just honest.