human

I am never more aware of my human-ness than when confronted with something that is absolutely joyful...

amazing...

fantastic...

(for someone else)

but that skipped me...

and I danced with those ugly feelings today.

sitting in the cancer center, awaiting Donald's cat scan I sat talking to an older couple. The husband, outgoing and funny, is recovering from a  surgery that took fifteen hours and rerouted his innards and chemo treatments...

and

he is in remission.

and there is nothing

nothing

like the duplicity of sitting there

feeling so happy

that he IS

and yet sad because that isn't an option for Donald.

And this isn't really about being down or negative...it's just honest.